baby steps

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September 5, 2002

late afternoon september sunlight is a visit to another planet.
gil, stuart, and i were troubleshooting clogged irrigation pipes,
flushing & backwashing to force dirt and rock out. i sat in a corner
by the main box--up, on; down, off--in a triangle of shade, west side
of yellow house, crosslegged, very erect, breathing the way allen
taught us, following air past tip of nose, down throat
into lungs and dissipating out. i tried to notice trees and clouds.
"rob on, rob off. stu on, stu off." gil issued the commands, it was not
a very hard job. i watched the ants, their tiny shadows (sun so sharp
even their legs stood out), and felt like God--which is to say, invisible.
they could not see or conceive of me, sitting there silently, and i
wondered about those things beyond my comprehension, very near
but outside my ability to perceive them. an ant crawls on my hand
& i blow it off. i am not its god. we'll have to find other ways to talk.