Picture of               the Day
                        yesterday |                       today tomorrow

January 2, 2003


woke up on this train feeling not at all well--could it be result of 36 hours without coffee? why'd i skip it at breakfast? another detox kick, this time inspired by, gasp, a sudden feeling of oldness and lack of accomplishment (whatever that latter means). after sitting so gloomily, i go to the complimentary pot and pour half a cup. a little later, i do it again, half a cup more. by the third trip, i've stopped kidding myself, pour a full one, big as my grin, the year begins, a day late.

shit, maybe being raised catholic (even catholic lite) really did twist me. i've got a funny relationship to guilt--that is, if it feels good, it must be bad. i'll do it anyway, but with tempered enjoyment. i also suffer from a watered-down protestant work ethic, often mentally calculating the worldly worth of whatever it is i'm doing. well, fuck that shit. i spent most of the train trip playing with newsprint and transparent tape. life's best when i go with what my gut insists.