Sixteen Tons - Road Hog Edition
by Frank Zucker, with apologies to Merle Travis

This Hog was made for drivin' in mud,
but I bought it just for status in my neighborhood.
You can drive for a mile on a gallon or two,
but you can not park cause it blocks the view.

You drive sixteen tons the whole year through,
you make sixteen tons of C O 2.
Boy Georgie don't you tell me that you don't know,
Your green house gas keeps our water low.

Since the Hogs took over the sun just shines.
Ain't had enough snow since ninety-nine.
'Tween the power for coolin' and the fuel I use,
Those ENdangered salmons' just bound to lose.

You drive sixteen tons and whatta you get,
You kill near as many as cigarettes.
St. Peter don't you call me cause I can't go, 
My car won't fit through the ozone hole.

These Hogs have put a stop to rain,
they put all those fish in a terrible pain,
If you want to help those salmon spawn,
Gotta grow a brown (I mean golden) lawn.

You drive sixteen tons without any load,
your Hog flips over when you tires explode.
So please don't you call me on my cellular phone,
I can't talk and drive in the traffic zone.

If you see me comin', better turn aside.
A lot of cars didn't, a lot of folks died.
I block up the traffic for bikes and feet,
while pavin' the way for corporate greed.

You drive sixteen tons and whatta you get,
Another tank filled and you're deeper in debt.
St. Peter don't you call me, I can't go far,
I just ran over the company car.

You drive sixteen tons and whatta you get,
Another tank filled and you're deeper in debt.
St. Peter don't you call me, cause I can't go,
I sold my soul for my Ford Explor'r.