can i kick it? 

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March 11, 2001

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The Blues, You Fool.
bloody 'ell is there a word
for the condition
of wanting to be
someplace else?
i remember feeling it
most acutely
the first hot august week
of my first-ever office job
when i'd stand in
the little crapper
across the hall
and stare at
the green-striped wallpaper
wondering how it had
come to this while
on the other side
of the frosted-for-privacy
window all of summer
was fattening itself
in the drooping leaves
of humid Washington, DC.
I still get that feeling
when the sun comes out
here in Seattle and i
am sitting @ the computer.
Times like that it's
a tightening knot,
a mild anxiety, a
heightening of the
always present but
barely conscious know-
ledge that i am not
living life as miraculously
as i could be.
Is there a word for wanting
to be someplace else but not
knowing where it is or how
to get there? If that feeling
is a sickness
(as much of life is),
then i know of at least
one treatment:
kostume kickball!
i got it!
   sss   ttt   rrr   eee   ttt   ccc   hhh

While it's going on
i'm not thinking at all,
not wanting anything more,
happy just to run the bases
in swimfins w/ a variable
speed playback handheld
tapedeck blaring STEPPENWOLF
sookie sookie sookie soo
unfolding a beach chair
at shortstop and almost
making the catch, munching
a 5-pound bag of chips, running dogs and laughing kids, grouped
on the 3rd base side waiting
for your alphabetical up, talking the whole time about... what?

nothing i can ever remember.

So, is there a word for the opposite of that?